How Good Goodbye is.

PRESENT (2022)

”Ahhh, worst worst worst wooorrssttt!! What the hell Yuri, whyyyyyy there ain no season two?! Yo, MAPPA release the movieeeee! ” I drop my phone beside me at the same time I bury my face on my pillow trying to calm myself and trying, really trying not to be so bind with the anime Yuri on Ice.

”Ahh goodness, what time is it? ” I reach for my phone again, sparing seconds to be back on earth. I look at my phones screen, too long to realize what time already is, I even got the time to ask myself ”Why did I reach for my phone though? ”

”2:30 AM, huh? ”

I sigh, not even surprised at all.

”I literally wasted 756 minutes for you Yuri, thats equivalent to 12.6 hours! So please release the movie! ”

Literally, I still got a lot of stuff to do. I need to finish packing because we
e going to leave Iloilo and move on to Manila.

”Moving back to Manila…. huh… haha ” Thats a sarcastic one. I shrugged it off and took a seat.

I took a look at my room, I mean at my ”Ghibli inspired room made me think Im actually at Howls moving castle. Not because I have a Howls themed pillow, not because the castle is stuck on my wall nor Sofia being held by Howl…. What I mean is, clean clothes, toothpastes, deodorants, shoes, boxes, foods, are all scattered everywhere.

”Oh my God… mothers gonna kill me… ”

Im about to complain, digging a hole to bury Victors face. Blaming them for being so good that I forgot to fix and pack things up but I don have much time.

I reached for my phone again to check the time.

”2:45… Moms home at around 5:30… Nooo oh, I am not receiving a big bad mouth later, I must finish this stuff, right here, right now. ”

I analyze the place and the space…

”Im in a room with
ot much space because stuff is anywhere ” I unconsciously say.

I start with organizing, leading to arranging, and then I finish with packing. At exactly four in the morning, I **ing yell, almost scream.

”Doooonneeee!! Goodness Im **ing done!! ”

As I went to the kitchen to get some drink I suddenly felt sleepy, I almost bumped my head on the refrigerator door.

”I should go to sleep, I might die. ” I head back to my room, jump on my bed and try to set a 5 AM alarm to wake me up, yeah thats right, an hour of sleep. When Im done I wrap myself with a blanket and doze off.

”Nat you
e already close.. ” I take a glance at her but I can see her face, it is blurry, I also can recognize her voice.

”Nat… Natalie.. keep going, just keep going… ” Shes talking to me sweetly, am I a child? I try to speak but I can , I even try to move but I literally can , wait, am I dead?!

I should have gone to sleep earlier, not 4 in the morning! Oh my gosh, this is all your fault Yuri!

I try to scream but its all muffled, I need to get out of here. I started to panic… questions popped in my head… Close to what? keep going for what??

Shes holding my hand tight, that hits me, all I can feel is how she holds me, how she moves around me, but I can move nor talk. Im dreaming. I need to slap or hurt myself to wake me up but I can literally move.

What the hell?

I look up at her again but now, shes not she… it is another she… Shes smiling wickedly to my face and I can feel my blood boil with anger even though I don know whats happening, I look at her determined to know who she is. I try and try when suddenly she laughs, not as sweet as cinnamon but bitter as the broken heart of a fish. Now I don feel the anger anymore, it is overtaken by pity.

I try to scream, I can feel the numbness of my throat. I try again, still, theres no voice. It feels like my voice box has been ripped out of my throat..

I try again then I hear some ringing tone, I glance at the place looking for the woman but shes not here anymore, she disappears like a goddamn bubble.

”Whatever is happening right now, I really need to run. ” I say inside of my head.

I manage to calm myself and lay comfortably on whatever Im laying right now. I take a look at the place where my brain took me. I realized that it was all white there ain no stain on it, it looks like Im in heaven but wheres God? Kidding.

I close my eyes and minutes later I hear the loud ringing sound again, I open my eyes and now its all pitch black and it **ing looks like Im falling…

Im falling…

I look down realization hits and I scream, loud enough to know whoever-whos-out-there that there is a **ing person falling in a pitch black hole.

I just keep screaming and then—

I woke up, I sat up, and looked at my phones clock.

”Its 5:30 ” I sigh, calming myself gently, trying to remember what the hell just happened and why it is happening, but I can answer my own question, I just let it go..

”Nataaaaliiieee!! ” Moms voice.

”Comiinngg! ” I spare seconds to check if theres any mess left, I even take time to run at the kitchen to check if I wash our dishes last night. When Im sure theres nothing my moms to be mad about, I run and take the key to open the small gate for her.

When she stepped inside the gate I felt a sudden relief. I don know what it is that Im being relieved of, but I am.

”Hows the packing? ” I try to be nervous trying to send the message
o to her.

”Uhh, hehehe ”

I take a look at her reaction, her eyebrows met, wrinkles forming on her face and she looks like shes gonna bury me six feet under the tree. Oh shes mad.

”HAHAHAHAH! ” I tried not to laugh, really… But the thought of shes mad after entering the gates, not even reaching at the front door, makes me want to roll on the floor.

”Just joki— aww!! ” I didn receive a big bad mouth, instead, I received a big loud slap.

”Don you ever joke when Im tired, sis! ” and I laugh again looking at her irritated face.

She take off her shoes, walk inside the house, putting her things at the exact place where it must be, I assist her with her clothes like a **ing good kid.

And lastly her words, holding her working clothes, I listen.

”Gonna sleep, you can do whatever you want, your sisters and bro will be back next friday so you
e free, but please do some laundry. ” with that she lay and covered herself with the blanket, shes still scrolling into her phone though.

I left the room with a smile plastered on my face, closing the door behind me made me think of something that really helped me.

I run to my room and slowly lock it.

”I should read. ” I toss moms clothes to my bed, I look at it, I pick it up, I fold it, and I put it properly on my bed. Realization hits.

”Oh, Natalie… REALLY?! did you just try to imitate the scene on karate kid?! ” I accidentally bump my kabinet and out of frustration I open it with so much force reason that something fell on my **ing head.

”Oww, ** you.. ” I look at the thing… ”Natalies, pls don ” I smile.

”Hi there little bud. ” I pick it up and lay on my bed. I took time to mesmerize the journal, I opened it and saw the first thing I wrote when I received this book four years ago.

”Im confused but not much confused. ”- December 9, 2018

With this sentence my brain starts to work itself and it takes me back to what happened 10 years ago.