My 21st in False River, Louisiana
False River is about 20 minutes north of Baton Rouge. It is called False River because it used to be part of the Mississippi river, but the land eventually closed off around it creating a 13 mile long lake. A bunch of people we know have camps down there and we just recently got one too. We spend our summers riding on the boat, skiing, tubing, wakeboarding, and listening to music. I love summertime
Our days in False River are spent on the water. Whether we are tanning on the pier or riding the boat, blaring music and singing so loud people stare. It is so much fun no matter how many people are with you because all you have to do is relax. The nights however, seem to turn into mayhem every time.
Our nights in False River are spent at Parrots, formerly known as Bush’s, a tiny Podunk camp bar on the river that is made for people to act like idiots. My parents think that they are too old to hang out with us and always claim they will only drive us there, they are liars. Every time we go to Parrots, the come with us, and it’s immaculate. There is something about Parrots that takes you to another level of craziness. Each time we go, you have to wear a hat, not because dress code says so, but because we think it is necessary attire for the evening. We take the boat over and park it at the dock, then make our way up the back stairs.
The characters who regularly attend the bar are locals, or insane people like us over the summer, and every time we walk in, we get the most sideways looks you can imagine, like we were the weird ones or something. There is always at least two cougars (woman over 40 looking for some action), six hairy old men, two cowboy characters (one whose name is Don, he and my father made friends one night), and then the other randoms that show up.
The most memorable night however, was for my 21st birthday party. I had a bunch of friends come down to the camp and we took the boat that night to parrots. We arrive, wearing various hats (my friend Tad looks like a Mexican who would be named Pedro and Ryan looks like Gilligan), and start with a round of pineapple upside down shots. Within the hour Danielle has met Mona, Sheryl Crowe’s supposed college roommate at Mizzou and close friends with Brad Pitt while he was there also. It was like Danielle had found her soul mate, and she isn’t even gay. They talked all night and Danielle ended up crying at this woman’s story of her life. We have pictures to prove it.
Within three hours, Tad and Danny are now members of the band, my dad is buying shots for everyone and is taking them himself (the next morning he swore he was shooting water and telling people it was tequila), liar. My mother is dancing with a cowboy and Dewey and I have created a Karaoke corner by the jukebox where you can pick your own music. The other 12 people who were with us had wandered in various directions of the bar it is very small so I am guessing they were either at the bar or dancing.
As the bar closes, my friend Steve was trying to walk to the boat to go home and is quite intoxicated. We watched him walk down the stairs, start towards the pier and stumble the whole way. As he gets to the pier he fell a little towards the left, as he is on the pier he tries to overcorrect to the right, then again to the left. However, when he overcorrected again in this zigzag pattern, he walked off the pier into the lake. It was hilarious. Almost as funny as watching him try to get back onto the pier, which also proved just as tough as walking for the newly nicknamed “Scuba Steve”.
Tad aka Pedro, was passed out in the wrong boat, but we put him in our boat and my dad was driving a crew back because he had only taken “water shots” all night. Tad has a camp in false river as well, and it is a five minute ride across the lake from parrots so my dad was going to drop some people off there and take some back to our camp while my mom was going to drive us in the car ( a 20 minute ride around the lake) back to tad’s and our camps respectively. When we get to tads camp 20 minutes later, my dad and crew are still not there. They had gotten lost on their way back, how is still a mystery.
The car ride home was just as interesting. Brandt was in the front seat blaring the music using my mom (the driver)’s shoulder as a keyboard and people are smoking cigarettes out the back of my dad’s car thinking that my mom doesn’t notice. Eventually we got to Tad’s camp to drop off a couple people who were throwing up out the side of the car and then went home.
That was the beginning of our parrots experience as 21 year olds, and we haven’t had a boring time yet.
By Sarah Sadler