UVA: “Foxfield has NO S”
We are sick of people saying FoxfieldSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Get it right people. You are obviously a loser if you don’t know there is no S in Foxfield. In case anyone was wondering (i.e. they are a mega-loser) what Foxfield is, then go here. Otherwise, read our preview in all its glory:
The Foxfield Races are more than just a horse race.
As far as we are concerned, Foxfield represents the pinnacle of UVa upper-middle class culture. It is public intoxication, guised in sundresses, seersucker, pink polos and pearls. Yes ladies, this is your chance to look like your mother, only sluttier. For some reason, despite season after season of sun-crisped students, you always come back for more.
Amazingly, Foxfield isn’t just for locals, UVa grads formalize the tradition by travelling from far and wide. We applaud your enthusiasm:Â you show rain or shine. Foxfield really is a great event. Don’t get us wrong. But, we want to offer some advice for its attendees, so that when they become big shots, or trophy wives they don’t regret all those digital cameras that made record keeping so easy.
- Sunscreen. I feel like your mom. No one likes red faced, red backed, red whatevered people. I’m not talking about ethnic minorities here.
- Hooking up. Save it for the Port-O-Potty’s
- Rolling around in the mud. I don’t care how drunk you are or how much your plot is like a fraternity party. It will be muddy somewhere and you simply ruin it for the rest of us. Don’t soil youself.
- Sunglasses. Guys, it’s a good idea to wear sunglasses. It’s less obvious you are staring at boobage.
- Weird dudes who walk around with a video camera pretending this is Girls Gone Wild – Preppy 6. It isn’t. UVa people are smarter than you. Totally uncool.
- Overdressed Older Folk. I like your spirit, but look across the fence. This isn’t the Triple Crown. Be reasonable. I’ve seen you bring a parrot and stick it on the fence. Don’t do it this year.
- Sundresses. This is an imperative. No ifs ands or buts (except guys).
- Police on the ATVs. You guys are really really really really cool (not). The only thing I ask is that when you arrest that one naked drunk guy, can you please tie a rope to him and drag him back to your little holding area?
- Piss Trough. NO MATTER HOW DRUNK YOU ARE DO NOT TAKE ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR SLIDING ACROSS THE PISS TROUGH. As much momentary glory this act will bring you, you don’t want to be that guy. Trust me, that one will stay with you forever.
We look forward to seeing everyone there. Be safe. Have fun
Article Courtesy of cVillian