“Screw It. I’m finding a hot date and taking her to Disney World!” – Part II
On a rainy Thursday night in April, a crowd of 50+ slightly drunk young men and their beautiful dates board an Amtrak Train in Raleigh, NC…destination Disney World. As stated in Part I of our tale, thanks to a drunken proclamation by a frustrated fraternity member, we have undertaken the monumental task of having our fraternity formal in Disney World.
Fortunately, the train company has been wise enough to seat us in the back two cars of the train. This was a smart move as the party officially began one we all got situated. Now, I don’t know how many of you have ever traveled by train, whether in Europe or stateside, but drinking on a train (like drinking in any moving vehicle) is absolutely one of the most fun things in the world to do. Immediately the coolers were broken out and the portable speakers turned on. The rest of the ride is basically a blur of stumbling through train cars (there had to be at least 15) between our cars and the food/lounge car. The party probably last well into the wee hours of the morning before, one bye one, the participants finally fell asleep.
When we awoke, the train was pulling into the Orlando train station, where our chariot aka charter buses were waiting. These would take us to our accommodations for the weekend, the Disney Caribbean Beach Resort. This place was awesome. The best part about it was that it had a huge fake beach that was eerily similar to the real thing. With everyone running on fumes from the long night of drinking and the lack of decent sleep in the train seats, we rushed for the beach to get a quick sun burn before the nightly entertainment.
However, before I continue I must let you in on an almost surreal exchange I had with one of my friends. When I got out to the beach, I went over to the tikki hut type bar to get a drink. I saw one of my good friends there who was looking like he had felt better. I asked him what was wrong, assuming it was a lack of sleep since he likes a good party. He just responded with, “can you buy me a beer?” My response was obviously that I could but I inquired about why he had no money as it was lining up to be a pretty expensive weekend. He calmly explained to me that he lost it. “Lost it?” I responded. ‘Yeah,” he said,”played poker all night.” When I pushed him further about how he lost all $400 of his formal money he stated that:
“The game got a little out of control!”
I felt that that was probably an understatement but felt that this ended the conversation so I bought him a beer and prepared to go dominate the beach volleyball court. However, as I was walking away, I heard him say, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you back later.” “With what money?” I asked. He stated that he ‘earned’ $100 back of the money he lost. When I inquired how he earned this money back, he proudly stated that he ran through everyone one of the cars from the food car to the rear of the train completely naked. Obviously stunned by the realization that a naked drunk little guy probably scared many little children half to death at 6 am this morning, I told him not to worry about it and the beer was on me,
So, after the beach party, we all loaded up in the charter buses and headed to our dinner location. When we pulled into the parking lot, I knew we had made a wise choice.
Staring us straight in the face was none other than the Castle that housed the greatest dinner show on earth, Medievil Times!
Before the show started we went to the Medievil Times bar. After two dropped beers (by the same person) on the tile floor that exploded like gunshots, we figured it was time to head to our seats and watch the Yellow Guy dominate. The show was ridiculous and the food was ok, but the beer was all you can drink. Trust me, our beer wench hadn’t worked as hard as she did that night in a very long time. Eventually, she quit trying to walk around and fill up the drinks but rather was just passing pitchers down the line. As our section got rowdier and rowdier, trying to cheer the yellow knight on while distracting the rest of the competitors (which I think actually worked as the level of heckling that occurred was outrageously inappropriate), we were finally cut off from anymore of the “all you can drink alcohol.”
Having the entire group cut off from alcohol would become a theme of the weekend.
Anyway, one the alcohol was cut off, the show really lost a bit of the excitement. The group quickly made the decision that it was time to go out to the bar. I still do not know if the yellow knight won the whole thing, but I have to think that he had never experienced that level of support before or since.
The following day was one in which people had the option of either going to one of the theme parks or just lounging around the hotel. Our formal dinner was scheduled for that night on Pleasure Island. Pleasure Island is the adult only island that houses a multitude of bars and dance clubs at Disney World. We had rented out the BET soundstage for our dinner. The food was good and the beer was free so we began to get after it again. By the time that dinner and all of the different formal traditions were completed, the group had once again drunk itself into a stuper. One senior decided he wanted to get up and give a speech. He also didn’t feel like he was tall enough standing up so he brought a chair with him on stage and began to speak like an orator from ancient Rome. Well, about one sentence into this soliloquy, his weight shifted a little too much and the rickety old chair gave way sending him crashing to the ground. At this point, we figured that the BET soundstage had run its course and we decided to go hit up the other bars on the island.
The group descended on the bars around Pleasure Island like locusts on a corn field. It should be noted that the whole group is dressed in formal attire and stuck out like a sore thumb wherever we went. Well after about 30 minutes of bar hoping, I try to get a drink at one of the beer vendors and he politely tells me that I cannot have one. Baffled because I was of legal age and had real U.S. dollars, I asked him why?
He stated that an APB (all points bulletin) had gone out to all Disney employees on Pleasure Island that they were not to serve any alcohol to anyone wearing a tuxedo.
My first thought was that I felt sorry for anyone that had just really felt like dressing up in a tux and coming to Pleasure Island only to realize they came the night that a bunch of college kids did the same thing. After this fleeting thought, which made me laugh a little bit, we realized that this just wouldn’t do. We were not going to be denied having a significant amount of fun. So what did everyone start doing? Taking off their tuxedos, of course. I mean, if I can’t drink in a tuxedo, I can drink in just and undershirt. There were more guys walking around in plain white undershirts trying to calmly explain to bartenders that this is just “their look” and that they were not with that crazy group. It worked well enough to survive the night and we were able to have a great time. The only major casualties were the massive amount of tuxedo parts that were discarded and left on Pleasure Island in favor of being able to continue drinking.
As the night ended up and we boarded the bus to the train station Sunday morning, the tales of drunken debauchery were recalled and retold. Overall the trip was a success because there was no one left in the Orlando jail and we had every seat accounted for on the train. There may have been a little dignity left at Disney World, but that is a small price to pay for a great weekend. What is the moral of this story you may ask? Well, if I learned one thing, it is that Disney World wasn’t lying when they named themselves “The Magic Kingdom.” I know from first hand experience. Enjoy and good luck with your trip to Orlando.